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Name: Michelle
Country: United States
State: Florida
Birthday: 8/8/1990
Gender: Female


Interests: Writing, reading, anime, manga, spending money on anime and manga, drawing (trying pathetically to, anyways), begging people to draw me prettiful things, babbling (like now!), roleplaying, creating my website, taking strange quizzes, and much, much more!
Expertise: I have no expertise. I write, really. Thazzit. Oh, that and I can act very, very weird... Does that count? I'm a drama queen! ^-^
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other


Message: message me
Website: visit my website


Member Since: 9/17/2003

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Sunday, December 28, 2003

I have such huge time-gaps between entries... I've been sucked back into the whirling vortex o' doom called "reality", ya know? This here... It's just all data. Like I wrote in my real journal, all this stuff floating around in cyberspace, it could be deleted with a few clicks of a button or if there's a virus or whatever... If preserved the right way, paper could last forever, and words... Well, if anybody's reading this, they should already know how important words are, to me..

I'm getting all... touchy-feely again... *slaps self* How stupid... *sigh*

I'm attempting to reconnect with some old friends and get to know some new ones better. I love my friends so much *huggles friends* I love them more than my family. Really and honestly. I can say that without shame or doubt because my family is shit and it will probably always be shit. Anyways, gonna post on my Caleida, now >.>;;


Saturday, December 20, 2003

*sigh* Life's revolving and my life's becoming a giant circle; once I start thinking that I'm actually moving on and getting somewhere, I begin right back where I started. It's not all my fault; it's not my friends' faults. It's nobody and nothing's faults and yet I blame it on the world and all it's inhabitants. Do you know why I hurt like this? It's because I feel utterly alone. Even though I get along with more than just a few people and I'm actually invited places now and I seem to have friends that seem to understand me doesn't mean I don't still feel alone. Because I do. I feel more alone now than ever.


Thursday, December 18, 2003

 

-Mood: I'm pretty all right at the moment *smiles slightly*

-Song: "Behind Blue Eyes," Limpbizkit (I adore this song)

 

After this song is over, I must put down my really odd dream... This is distracting... (The song, I mean.)

 

All righty. It's over now. Ugh, now "(I Hate) Everything About You" by Three Days Grace is on. I love this song.

 

Kami-sama, "One Step Closer," by LP was just on and now ".45," by Shinedown is on. I LOVE THIS STATION! 105.9 RULES!

 

Yes. Now a song I am completely clueless to (wait, it's beginning to sound remotely familiar...) is on and so I'll attempt to write somethingorother...

 

 

 

So, here's my really creepy dream... It was an Inuyasha setting. Medieval setting. Inuyasha was there, and so was Miroku. I believe Shippo was there... and I think I was Sango...

 

Anyways, we went to a village to exorcise a demon or something and all of a sudden, there's this kid... I think he (or perhaps it was she first...) knew Miroku...

 

[Ugh, I'm not sure how well I can remember this and put it down without changing stuff because I've had all day to think about it, and I tend to end up changing things that I don't want to because it's had time to stew in my brain... And now Switchfoot - "We Were Meant to Live" is on...]

 

Anyways (again), this kid was unconscious... Miroku picked him up and I walked behind him to take a look at the kid's face.... God this scared me, but his eyes were large, round balls that were (I swear) filled with a crazed, delirious look in them. One was rolled up, the other was staring somewhere off to the side and his mouth was plain creepy... Sinister. I can't describe it well, but it seemed to have a mouth full of knives even though the mouth wasn't open all the way. He was just a normal boy from the back... and I think Inuyasha saw something else as well, so that was quite odd. His head lulled off to the side, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. (You must remember, this is all in anime form.)

 

I screamed and I believe the kid lunged at me next... He tried to strangle me and bite me. I had to hold his hands and keep one leg on his chest to keep him from biting me and strangling me at once. The two guys were just standing there. They were calm and just kind of... there. They asked me what was wrong or something...

 

Then, somehow, Inuyasha was gone and my daddy was there. I think that he was Inuyasha's replacement or something... I'm not clear on that... He walked into his room. I ran into a large forest... Everything became sorta realistic--not anime anymore. I could see the rough bark of this large tree. I think it was an oak. It was huge and had a tree house right on the right side of it (if you're looking from the way I was running towards it) made out of wood. The tree had a large branch that was almost laying completely horizontal and it was across from the tree house... Like:

                               |

                               |

                               |

Tree house ==SMALL BRANCH==-TREE-+++++BRANCH+++++

                               |

                               |

                               |

                               |

                  ~~~~ROOTS~~~~|~~~~ROOTS~~~~ (bottom of the tree)

 

Eh... That's a horrible drawing, but whatever. I ran to the area where there was the BRANCH and I climbed into there as if my life depended on it (which it did). There seemed to be an aura keeping the demon out, and yet it was only pieces of wood hanging from something... It encaged the tree and myself like some sort of triangular prison, and yet it seemed to be protecting me. I picked up a large, long stick and every time the demon tried to get too close to me, I would jab him hard with the stick, forcing him back. He never tried to pull any tricks or anything...

 

And yet, here's the weirdest thing of all after I got to the forest: I was in the tree curled into a tiny ball watching me poke the demon with a long stick. I was two people at one time. The me in the tree was calling for my daddy. The Tree Me was crying and screaming and so scared. I felt the fear from both Me's and I could almost feel my throat throb when I woke up (from the dream screaming).


I just now realized how long it's been since I wrote in here. Well, actually, 5 days isn't a lot, but a lot -has- happened. So I went to Sar-chan's place and I enjoyed myself. I really click with her. It's so weird... I've known her and Emmy and Kay-chan for about 5 or so months (or more. Whatever) and yet I actually trust them. It's so strange... I'm not used to trusting and it's not really coming naturally to me (of course), and yet I still spurt out random things that I wouldn't tell anybody else to them. To Sarah anyways. Or Kayla. Sometimes Em. But I usually talk to them about different things... It's all so strange...

I'm currently at school with the midterms going on in the other room (in the comp room), and I'm so bloody bored... I suppose I could put on some music... Hm... *grin* Lezzee... A little Chevelle? Or LP? SmileES? Evanes? Hm... So hard... What to pick, what to pick...

Eh... nothing works... *sweatdrop*


Saturday, December 13, 2003

"I hate everything about you/Why do I love you?/I hate everything about me/Why do I love you?" That makes a lot of sense right now... It makes a lot of sense in two ways... Family and.. well, him... I can't believe that they're both laying the guilt trip on me. It's not fair... I'm usually pretty emotionally... Eh, that'd be a lie. Let's just say that I can hold my tears in most of the time. But tonight, they just came spilling out.. I couldn't help it. I can't help it now. I'm still a bit teary. They'll start to fall again at any second, it feels like... I haven't felt this hurt in a long time, actually... Not since... Not since at least about a year or so ago... This goes right to my heart... It gives a whole new meaning to "heart attack"... Bad joke, I know. I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore... I just don't. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Gone. Done. Except for my friends... They're always the only ones who ever mattered... My friends...

This is ridiculous... I'm getting choked up. Now. Of all times, now...

I was just in the pit of doom (AKA: parents' room), and I was about to ask again about the sleepover thing tomorrow night. But the tears started coming again, almost for no reason thsi time. Damn this water... Damn this... Damn all of this...

 

This is taking forever... I just keep going back and forth, back adn forth, back and forth. I'm just gonna end this entry now... I'm almost going to give up.. On the verge.. Like, now....I don't know how many more times I'll ask.. One? Two? Five? Ten? Twenty? I don't know... I'll just spoil the mood tomorrow and stuff... Oyasumi..



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